I didn’t HAVE to “know” her.

Excuse the very vague titles by the way. I’ve always sucked at those.

Anyways, my great grandmother passed away around 1:30 a.m. Sunday morning. And this isn’t really going to be a depressing post about how much I miss her and what not, not because I’m insensitive, but because I really didn’t get on a personal basis with her and didn’t really know her as a person. I just kind of knew her as the really old great grandma that doesn’t speak English (which was the absolute biggest problem because I didn’t speak Spanish), liked to show me her bunions, and liked horses. Except… I didn’t know she liked horses until about 2 weeks ago. So she was just the Spanish-speaking old great grandmother obsessed with showing me her bunions.

But she was my great grandmother. Great. Did I really have to know her that much to miss her? Maybe I’m not going to break down and be burdened with her death for months to come, but it still hurts, you know? Those memories are enough for me to say, “Damn. I live in a world where Grandma Mercy doesn’t exist. This sucks”.

So, she doesn’t speak English right? But she still loved to listen to me “sing” when I was little. I would stand on a little stump out in my Abuela’s back yard and sing to my great granny “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”, and I could not even begin to describe how much joy there was in her eyes watching me, or just how much more her smile glowed, or how elated she was just to be there. With her great granddaughter. Watching her sing. Yeah, my voice suck ass, but all grandparents love to watch grandchildren be grandchildren and be all cute and stuff. Even if they don’t understand a damn thing they’re saying.

Yeah. I miss her.

And I was expressing this to Babe and how in Cuba they wear black for three days and don’t listen to the radio or watch tv (apparently), and he says, “Why? That’s stupid. You didn’t even know her”. I have to say, that made me a little mad. I can’t respect her, her tradition, her family, MY family, miss or love her because I wasn’t buddy-buddy with her? She will forever be the Spanish-speaking old great grandmother obsessed with showing me her bunions and loved to listen to me sing. And loved casinos. Shit, she loved casinos.

I didn’t HAVE to “know” her.


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