I Need You to Understand.

I love you. More than anything. Do you understand that? And understand that because I love you I value and respect every single one of your thoughts, opinion, ideas, etc. And I’m sure you’ve noticed that you can be a little… harsh, and even condescending sometimes.

But what I need you to understand is that it hurts my feelings. Plus it makes you seem like an arrogant ass hole.

When I tell you things it’s because you’re up there in the top 5 most important people in my life and I want to share every momentous occasion or piece of wonderful news with you in hopes that you’ll understand my joy and be happy with me. Hell, I’ll even tell you the bad things. I’ll tell you the sad things. I’ll rant to you. I’ll even puke mushy-gush love crap on you sometimes (no matter how many times I say I’m not emotional, let’s be real, I’m a 16 year old female in a relationship with my first love. It’s bound to happen).

You are my boyfriend. You are the one I tell everything to (unless I’m complaining about you). So I need you to understand the things that are important to me. I don’t need you to like them. We are almost two completely different people and I kind of like that. Same is boring. But even though I don’t want you to like them, I want you to see that they make me happy and that you can’t just verbally bash and criticize the things that make me who I am.

Sure, tell me that you don’t agree with me or like what I do or listen to or enjoy, but don’t start saying things like “What the fuck? You like that shit? Oh my gosh it’s so stupid and lame and my shit is the shit”. Oh yeah. Very supportive. Very loving.

Not everything I do is wrong or asinine, and not everything you do is right or sensible. I just need you to understand.

I know it’s not the most loved song, but I found it kind of fitting. Also, I love Sam Smith ❤

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I believe in “break”s in relationships

Not break-ups. Breaks.

Seriously. When times get hard I think there’s a time when you just have to stop, take a break, and try to figure out what you actually and truly feel for your significant other without having them in your immediate life and messing with your thoughts, swaying them, making them biased. 

I like to think of it like when a child gets put in time out. Think about your time together. Think about your mistakes. Think about the others person’s reaction(s) to what you’ve done. Think about both of you as a whole. Don’t just think about how upset, disappointed, angry, sad, mad, etc., they make you. Think about what they felt too.

Do you miss them? Can you not just wait to be in their arms again? Just feel like staying up and talking all night? No sex, nothing sexual. Just talking. Not feeling as happy? Feeling happier? Understand why they “over-reacted”? I think you can learn a lot about your feelings during a break.

I believe in breaks because I think it reveals your true feelings for someone. But a break shouldn’t last more than 2 weeks. Otherwise, that’s just a break up because obviously you don’t miss the other person, and if he/she hasn’t contacted you either, evidently they don’t miss you either.

Age and Sex.

Sometimes I forget how old I am. Sometimes I forget the kinds of things that people my age are supposed to be doing. I hear stories from elders saying, “When I was your age…” or “Back in my day kids were doing…”, and I honestly hate hearing those stories. On one hand, it’s good to hear them because it’s always nice to reminisce and hear about a simpler and a, quite frankly, more innocent time, but don’t try to tell me that because former people my age were doing those kinds of things back then that I should be doing the same. Don’t dwell on the past even if you don’t like the present. It’s coming either way, so why not just make things easier and accept it?

First off, okay, I’m 15. I realize that I’m not even legal for sex, but if people can say “age is just a number” when it comes to dating, why can’t people say that when it comes to sex? I’m not going to go off and fuck every single guy I see. I don’t even call it “fucking”. It’s sex. But I guess such a term is what we use now. I’m not just going to go around “giving my goods away”. No. I made the decision to have sex with my boyfriend. I believed that our relationship at that point was stable and loving enough to include such an action and incorporate the kinds of emotions and what not that sex brings. It’s not a superficial or I-need-to-kill-time type of thing.

Maybe I should be going out and playing with bubbles? Well, maybe “back then”, but this is right now. Change is inevitable. And I’m sorry, but times have changed. There’s not courting in today’s society. It’s not obligatory anymore for a man to meet a woman’s parents just so he can go on a date with her. For the most part. The dating world works differently now. It’s not anything that I’m proud of; I don’t go around saying “OH. My generation is the BEST.”, but it’s something that I’ve accepted- at least the process of changing and not necessarily the outcome- and quite honestly something I’ve fallen victim to.

But, just to be clear, I’m not condoning people under the “legal age” to have sex. I’m not saying “IT’S OKAY. DO WHATEVER AND WHOEVER YOU WANT.” It just frustrates me when girls my age or around my age are labeled at “whores” or “sluts” because they made a decision that people and society just can’t accept. Given that many, if not most girls, around 15-17 have sex just because it is sex, that’s not always the case. I think having sex in a relationship and having sex with a lot of people just because you like it are two very different things.

 

Getting Rejected.

You ask someone, “will you go out with me?”, “will you be my girlfriend/boyfriend?” and you put your feelings, your heart, and yourself out on the line to either become the happiest person ever or get let down and just fall apart.

You’re waiting in agony for their answer. It’s only one word, but it means everything to you. You’re anxious and you have a shit ton of feelings built up in you that you can’t even express. You’re queasy. You wish you could just read minds.

If they say yes, you’re ecstatic. You jump for joy and you know there’s nothing else that can happen in that moment that will make you any happier. You have the person you can’t stop thinking about, the one you can’t stop dreaming about, calling you theirs, and you finally get to call him/her yours. You can just picture how it’s going to be between you and your now significant other: amazing. You’re just so happy.

Getting rejected is a whole other process, though. Your stomach drops. You’re not the type of person to cry, but for a split second, you feel like you just want to assume fetal position in a corner with a gallon of Ben & Jerry’s with five boxes of tissues. Even if you’re a guy. If she/he actually meant that much to you. Your eyes widen. Your jaw may or may not drop. You can’t believe what you just heard. The heart shattering, the gut wrenching “no”. Some try to fight for a chance, but the many I know just leave in utter disbelief. You actually thought you had a chance. To know that you were fooling yourself the whole time and forcing yourself to believe that they actually liked you… it kills you a little, it does, Your ego dies a bit.

You’re heart broken. Over someone that wasn’t even yours.

It’s easy to be the one doing the rejecting. You’ve lost your feelings already, if there ever were any, and you’ve already moved on and forgotten about them. To be the one getting rejected? Now that’s hard. How are you supposed to forget someone that meant the absolute WORLD to you? I mean, now you know that you don’t have a fighting chance and you have to move on or suffer. When you get rejected, isn’t there always going to be that feeling of “what if” and maybe left over feelings? You never got the chance to see their bad side and make the decision for yourself that you don’t like them anymore. They kind of did that part for you. In your eyes, they’re still perfect, aren’t they?

Will there always be some residual feelings for that person? Do you learn to get over someone that was just so perfect to you and did nothing wrong to make you think otherwise?